I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize