I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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