So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
