She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
