Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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