So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
