FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
