He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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