I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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