You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
