she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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