ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
