would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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