Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize