You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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