Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
