We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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