i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
