he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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