He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
