she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
