he shaved USA in his pubs
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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