remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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