How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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