So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't deserve a penis
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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