I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
