Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
