thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
