please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
