I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
