i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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