My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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