i just wanna soil my oats bro
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize