I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
