But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Randomize
