I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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