i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize