ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
