I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
