I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
