Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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