so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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