So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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