Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
