he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
