so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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