It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
