She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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