And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
