i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
