If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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