I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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