swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
