I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
