You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
