Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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