I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
