I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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