I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
