Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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