He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
