Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize