You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
