this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
