physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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