Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
