Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
