i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
