is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
