I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
