i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
