cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
